If someone makes you feel obligated or forced to do something you don’t want to, you may be experiencing coercion. By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt or shame. You can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, your partner might:
- Make you feel like you owe them — for example, because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, because you go home with them
- Give you compliments that sound extreme or insincere as an attempt to get you to agree to something
- Badger you, yell at you, or hold you down
- Give you drugs and alcohol to loosen up your inhibitions
- Play on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me” or “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
- React negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
- Continue to pressure you after you say no
- Make you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
- Try to normalize their sexual expectations — for example, “I need it, I’m a guy.”
In a relationship where sexual coercion is occurring, there is a lack of consent, and the coercive partner doesn’t respect the boundaries or wishes of the other.
I never see posts like this mention an abuse of power. If a person in a position of power (teacher, professor, boss, internship director, etc.) has sex with a subordinate, even if it seems consensual in every other way, it’s coercion and rape.
Pansexuality is one of the many ignored sexualities. I got a request asking if I could make a post about pansexuality hate after I made one about asexuality so here I am, more than ready to rant!
Pansexuals do exist!
Pansexuals are not bi
Pansexuals are not attention seeking!
AND THEY DON’T LIKE PANS!!!?!!
What on earth would make you think that there are so many people out there that are sexually attracted to pans that they had to make an entire sexuality of it????
Pansexuals are people who are attracted to people of all sorts. They may find themselves falling for someone of any sexual orientation or gender identity.
Some people don’t understand this because they only think of male and female when it comes to genders. BUT there are many, many, many, many, many more genders.
There are tansgenders; people who change their gender from the one they were given at birth. This can be done legally and you can even change your birth certificate in some places.
There are gender queer; people who prefer not to be associated with any gender identity. They may use male or female pronouns but some prefer gender nuetral.
There are genderfluid; people who like to switch gender from time to time. They can do this on a daily basis if they want to. Whether they bind when they like to be masculine or wear a body suit/ padded bra when they want to feminine.
Those are just a few examples.
Pansexuals can also be panromantic, which is similar only it refers to who they are emotionally attached to, rather than physically. You can be panromantic and pansexual, or you can be one or the other, along side with another identification like asexuality or demisexual, or any of the others in fact!
Some people may claim to be bi only because they do not know what pansexuality is. However, most bi people are bi because they’re uncomfortable or unattracted to being in a relationship with people other than strictly male or female (THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE PREJUDICE OF THEM! ONLY THAT THEY ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM!)
Pansexuals, like any other sexuality, can have a preference to a certain gender or gender identity. You may like trans boys most because you like a butch personality (not that all trans boys are butch) but prefer to be sexually active with female bits. Or you may have a preference for people who identify as a girl. Maybe you like genderfluid people most because you get a variety of attractions. Maybe you like genderqueers because you just do. There doesn’t have to be a reason for any of this!
Basically, everyone should just shut up about other people’s sexualities because it’s none of your business who they like or don’t like in what way or the other? Pansexuals don’t like pans (usually… you never know). Pansexuals aren’t bi! And people need to stop calling them stupid, monsterous, or fake. Why?
Lorelei Black | Bunny Lee
I just opened up a Etsy shop! Exclusive on this new store use coupon code SHOPPING49 to get free shipping on orders over $49! Only on till October 1st (my birthday :P)
Thank you to all the people that have already purchased from me (there might be a little something coming your way on my B-day. ^_^
For those of you who are rope enthusiasts :)
Roxy Ferrari photographed by Brandon Savoy