Pansexuality is one of the many ignored sexualities. I got a request asking if I could make a post about pansexuality hate after I made one about asexuality so here I am, more than ready to rant!
Pansexuals do exist!
Pansexuals are not bi
Pansexuals are not attention seeking!
AND THEY DON’T LIKE PANS!!!?!!
What on earth would make you think that there are so many people out there that are sexually attracted to pans that they had to make an entire sexuality of it????
Pansexuals are people who are attracted to people of all sorts. They may find themselves falling for someone of any sexual orientation or gender identity.
Some people don’t understand this because they only think of male and female when it comes to genders. BUT there are many, many, many, many, many more genders.
There are tansgenders; people who change their gender from the one they were given at birth. This can be done legally and you can even change your birth certificate in some places.
There are gender queer; people who prefer not to be associated with any gender identity. They may use male or female pronouns but some prefer gender nuetral.
There are genderfluid; people who like to switch gender from time to time. They can do this on a daily basis if they want to. Whether they bind when they like to be masculine or wear a body suit/ padded bra when they want to feminine.
Those are just a few examples.
Pansexuals can also be panromantic, which is similar only it refers to who they are emotionally attached to, rather than physically. You can be panromantic and pansexual, or you can be one or the other, along side with another identification like asexuality or demisexual, or any of the others in fact!
Some people may claim to be bi only because they do not know what pansexuality is. However, most bi people are bi because they’re uncomfortable or unattracted to being in a relationship with people other than strictly male or female (THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE PREJUDICE OF THEM! ONLY THAT THEY ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM!)
Pansexuals, like any other sexuality, can have a preference to a certain gender or gender identity. You may like trans boys most because you like a butch personality (not that all trans boys are butch) but prefer to be sexually active with female bits. Or you may have a preference for people who identify as a girl. Maybe you like genderfluid people most because you get a variety of attractions. Maybe you like genderqueers because you just do. There doesn’t have to be a reason for any of this!
Basically, everyone should just shut up about other people’s sexualities because it’s none of your business who they like or don’t like in what way or the other? Pansexuals don’t like pans (usually… you never know). Pansexuals aren’t bi! And people need to stop calling them stupid, monsterous, or fake. Why?
I just opened up a Etsy shop! Exclusive on this new store use coupon code SHOPPING49 to get free shipping on orders over $49! Only on till October 1st (my birthday :P)
Thank you to all the people that have already purchased from me (there might be a little something coming your way on my B-day. ^_^
For those of you who are rope enthusiasts :)
Roxy Ferrari photographed by Brandon Savoy
I recently had a question from someone who was concerned because a potential Dom was making her uncomfortable. She felt like because she wasn’t experienced and not sure of how this whole D/s thing is “supposed” to go, that she was being overly concerned when this “Dom” was doing nothing more than talking about sex and being evasive when it came to her questions about how things would go between then. The information shared with me is what leads me to want to remind you all that ANYONE on the internet can call himself a Dom. Any guy with grandiose fantasies of controlling a woman can simply get on the internet and prey on unsuspecting newbie subs and portray himself to be an experienced Dominant. It really is that simple.
To that I say, you need to be smart. You should screen a Dom the same way you would any other potential mate. As basic as it seems, it really is that simple. There are no special rules for someone because they call themselves a Dom. Before you enter into a relationship, you are both two people getting to know each other. You don’t owe a random stranger on the internet ANYTHING! You deserve to be respected and have questions and concerns addressed. If any guy says, “I don’t have to tell you because I’m in control” or “I’ll tell you when I feel like it” then he’s just playing games and you need to keep going. An experienced, caring, REAL Dom is going to make sure you are on the same page regarding what you want and need and will be clear and honest about expectations along the way. A real Dom is a guide while a fake is nothing more than someone wanting to bark commands without any level of accountability.
So again, if you are looking for friendship, respect, openness, and honesty to go with your kink then you need to seek out those qualities. You shouldn’t just go with whatever some loser on the internet throws at you. Just because you are a submissive doesn’t mean you should have standards. Protect yourself from predators and seek out the positive qualities that you would want in ANY relationship. Kink is important but it’s not the major focus if you want a substantial relationship.
Anonymous said: Hey Ivy, I have a question regarding safe words, especially after reading your last bit of "Halfway there." Do you think safe words always work/ should be the only way to stop a scene? I ask this because I get really REALLY spacey to the point sometimes I don't remember what I say. I've never played a scene as intense as the ones you're describing, but I worry that if I did, I wouldn't even be coherent enough to think of my safe word and say it. So what do you think is the line there?
So, safe words DON’T always work and shouldn’t be the only way to stop a scene. One reason that Flint and other partners (Sir, Daddy, etc) I’ve had ask me for my safe words during a scene is to make sure I’m still capable of using them.
Flint and I did a thing recently and I got kind of incoherent. He asked what my safe words were and I kind of provided a sort of jumbled “wub-wub-wuh” as an answer. So, he ended the scene because I wasn’t able to provide the safe words.
Another thing I’ve had partners, including Flint, do is ask me to repeat my words to them and then specifically ask after I’ve successfully provided them, “would you like to use one of them?” If I say one of them, they adjust accordingly. If I say a definitive “no, keep going,” they do. If I say anything along the lines of “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure,” they stop the scene. Because consent is that important and should never be ambiguous.